DumbDird launched his latest tablet, succeeding the iDumDird 4. Dubbed the iStealDumDird, it was criticized for its poor quality, with hundreds of stolen assets and blatant disregard for copyright laws.
Features (or Stolen Goods)
The iStealDumDird boasted a collection of "features" that made no sense and got DumbDird into more trouble than ever:
Boot-Up Screen:
- Displayed the Apple logo, but the text underneath read "Dumbple: Totally Not Apple" in Comic Sans.
Music:
- The home screen blasted Super Mario Bros. theme music on a continuous loop. DumbDird thought this would make the tablet feel "nostalgic," but it instead earned him an immediate cease-and-desist letter from Nintendo.
Pre-Installed Games:
- PokéDumDird Go: A blatant ripoff of Pokémon Go where players had to "catch DumbDirds" in real-world locations. The app stole code directly from Niantic and was riddled with bugs, including one that accidentally froze players’ phones.
- DumbCraft: A Minecraft knockoff with terrible graphics and random glitches where DumbDird's face appeared on every block.
- Call of Dirdty: A poorly-made FPS game with audio stolen from Call of Duty.
The Dumb Assistant:
- A voice assistant that was just a bootleg version of Alexa but voiced by DumbDird himself. Commands like “What’s the weather?” resulted in responses like:
“DURRR, THE SKY IS BLUE! PROBABLY!”
- A voice assistant that was just a bootleg version of Alexa but voiced by DumbDird himself. Commands like “What’s the weather?” resulted in responses like:
Design:
- The case design was a direct copy of the iPad, except it had DumbDird’s face crudely Photoshopped over the Apple logo.
The Reactions
When Tealy powered up the iStealDumDird, he immediately recognized the stolen assets and groaned. "DumbDird, did you even make ANY of this yourself?"
DumbDird proudly responded:
“Nah! Why reinvent the wheel when I can just borrow it?”
Beric tried to give the tablet a fair shot but quickly realized the stolen music couldn’t be muted, and the apps crashed constantly. “This isn’t borrowing, DumbDird. This is theft!” he shouted.
Dird opened PokéDumDird Go only to find himself banned from the app because the code had been stolen so poorly that the game thought all players were hackers.
The Legal Fallout
Within 24 hours of the iStealDumDird launch, DumbDird received cease-and-desist letters from:
- Nintendo (for the music and PokéDumDird Go)
- Mojang (for DumbCraft)
- Activision (for Call of Dirdty)
- Apple (for the design and logo theft)
- And about 17 other companies DumbDird didn’t even realize he had plagiarized.
The iStealDumDird was immediately recalled after being declared “the most blatantly illegal tech product in history.”
DumbDird’s Response
When confronted about the lawsuits, DumbDird scoffed and said:
“I was just trying to make something everyone would recognize! DURRR, why is everyone so uptight?!”
Tealy tried to explain copyright law, but DumbDird tuned him out and started humming the Super Mario Bros. theme loudly, only making things worse.
The iStealDumDird was a financial and legal nightmare, leaving DumbDird with countless lawsuits and no money to show for it. However, DumbDird, in his usual style, remained undeterred, teasing his next big invention:
“The iDuhFold, a gaming console!"
Tealy sighed. "I’m calling a lawyer ahead of time this time."
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